Tweet
Originally posted by House Ogre
There was this one fat ogre there trying to convince a young cleric that his town wus safe. I noticed the amounds of foodstuffs they had collected and a huge list the lass had unrolled (and covered yards and yards of ground. I think my friend catbik got lost somewhere in that list when he saw a gadjet on the ground nearby.
I was too busy hauling my notes and samples on not too steady feet away from where the ogre guards patrolled when I noticed the ogre squeezing his beans into a bottle and the thought did occur to me, mayhap I can return the favor to the Ogres and learn to make a good brew from beans. They do have a potent after effect, but I'd normally only consider them for flavorings normally.
But ogres know what they like, and if it's something that keeps me and my kin off the menu, then I'm all for it. By Brell I realized I had talked myself into a working on a new recipe, when was I going to find the time?
(ink color changes) I found these notes when I discovered a box of my submissions to the Gnomish puiblishers. How dare they not return all my brewing notes! How dare I not remember! How did I forget? Guess I'll have to blame you know who, yeah that one, Brell's side kick.
Didn't get smited and my shoes are still on the right feet and my beard hasn't changed.
Yep no changes.
That him.
Anyway I hied myself off to the druids of faydwer to see about collecting all sorts of legumes for my work.
I found steeping the coffee beans with gnomish spirits and honey made a nice elixir that made things move slower around you and talking to excited gnomes a very easy task. Have to seel this stuff to the ambassadors dealing with the gnomes. Put them in the right mindset now won't it?
Two handful of beans ground and then steeped in hot water. Added to Gnoish spirits and honey or a good sugary syrup of equal measure. 2 cups of sugar per flask of water in a pot will make a decent sweet syrup. Mix and strain out the grounds and store in a dark bottle.
Catbik says it's good with milk and an extra shot of gnomish spirits. When he stops bouncing around like a well overexcited gnome I'll ask how it tastes.
(ink changes again) Finally I have three bushels of beans to work with. I sorted them by color.
I have painted beans, black beans and red beans. I toasted them and steeped them.
GAH that's disgusting! No amount of kick would fix that. Even cornflunk started licking the wrong end of a skunk to get rid of the taste.
I'll have to wait a few days before I can convince him that he's once again won the Ogre Taste Taster award again and gets to try out a few more drinks as his prize. (note to self, get Cornflunk a new hat. With a big feather this time.).
Okay that isn't going to work.
Caught Catbik cooking a batch of beans and noticed he was using spices and other ales to flavor the beans as I would have if I were brewing.
He told me everyone knows how to make beans.
Well aparently the gnomes really gnome their . . . err know their beans.
I saved a few cups of each type of his pots of beans.
I took a heavy dark malted ale, in this case Double Brewed Double Stout Dwarven Ale and combined it 2 to one by measure with the lefto over beans and added a shot of heavy sweet syrup and yeast to each and put it into a keg in a nice cool spot to age. When the corks blew off the kegs I knew something had happened.
Well if you like a muddy textured fizzy brew that will make you burp from both ends, this is your winner.
Worked on refining it when I realized I'm making this for ogres. Instead I thought of what else I might add that they'd like.
Bought a roll of smoked spiced blood sausage and chopped it up into halfling and gnomish finger and toe sizes.
Well the spiced sausage bits actually add to the brew's taste and well give you nice chew between the sliding sips.
I doubled the ale again to make it less muddy. This was tolerated by non-ogres a bit more. (WILL SOMEONE TELL CORNFLUNK I'M NOT HIS BEST FRIEND? AND KEEP HIM AWAY FROM THE COOKING FIRES It's not as funny as he thinks!!! Hey, you! Scribe, you don't have to write down everything I say now...scribe...scribe...see this big hammer? Guess what happens if I should swing...)
(New ink color and different handwriting again)
I called this Light Bean Ale and the muddier Heavy Bean Ale.
A foamy soup of beans and yeasts and what was once good ale, but a promise is a promise.
Heavy Bean Ale or Bean Beer and Bits as I decided to label it for the ogres, is made with one pot of beans any flavor, 2 jugs of DBDSDA's or 2 Minotaur Hero brews, 2 measures of yeast, and a flask of heavy syrup. And Two Chopped portions of Spiced blood sausage.
This produces anywhere from two to four small bottles of M&B. (Heavy bean ale).
Light Bean ale you need to take 4 bottles of heavy bean ale and add same amount of jugs of a lighter ale. Compared to the Foaming mud in the other bottles I figured that's about any other ale or beer one could buy or make. Upto the brewer.
This brew is aged again in a cask and then decanted. You get 8 bottles of light bean ale and 2 bowls of something that isn't all that appealing until it's baked. These solids are the remains of the beans, yeasts, beer heavies and sausages. (Muck, that's all I can call the raw vegemite we get in this process- luckily it stays in the cask instead of clogging the still.)
Give a cask of muck to a friendly baker and tell him to roll it out and then use cookie cutters to shape them and if he slow bakes them they stay chewie and well we called them chewie chewies. Even trolls thought they were grate.
Between the "WHUTS DES MEAT" and the farting and belching contest with Conflunk and his cousins.
Catbik's noseclips finally paid for their development costs. Glad I held the taste test away from any sources of flames too.
(Brodder's handwriting) I've packed up the recipes for the Lass Naomi to give to her overlarge smelly mate. (I know that trickster had a hand in that matchup! Brell wouldn't do that to me, though Cornflunks been looking funny at me lately ever since I gave him two large bags of chewie-chews as his prize for best taste tester of volatile vegumes. He seems to love the new hat and his new sash proclaiming him the best taste tester of volatile legumes too.
Okay 24 bottles of Muddy BeanBeer and Bits (Heavy Bean Ale.)
48 Bottles of Light Bean ale and the last two bags of Shaped Chewie-Chews (and a note telling the lass exactly what's not in the snacks!) Plus a illustrated pictorial written so that old dwarf Bobert Halfskull can understand it.
Even an ogre should be able to follow the pictures and labels. Lucky for me Catbik was able to caclulate the exact measures based on how much an ogre can hold in each hand and in his mouth at the same time on average.
How and why a Tinker needs that sort of data I'm not sure I want to know even though Catbik insists that collecting the data got three gnome their own footnotes in the Great Big Book of Oops too.
Okay shipment's off to Rivervale. I can now look forward to seeing how my brewing diaries are coming along.
--------- very old notes recovered from behind a keg in kaladim-------
Ngreth Thergn
Comment