How does one play EQ and lead a normal life?

[Zeralenn]

Part of it is maintaining priorities. One of my priorities is to get out of the house and get exercise every day. I try never to eat meals over my keyboard. I don't stay up to all hours on nights when I have to work. (I work at home; I own my own consulting practice so I can play EQ at hours when I want and work at hours pretty much when I want. It requires discipline to set work goals and make sure all work is done before playing, but it's worked well for me so far).

I do spend a lot of time either playing EQ or doing things that are related to EQ (I am writing a tailoring guide right now -- hopefully will have that finished for draft view in a couple weeks). But I also make time to do other things.

One thing that helps a great deal is that my housemate is as much into EQ as I am. She plays my sister in game and we are both officers in our guild.

If you don't have some measure of self-discipline, I can see where this game could eat your life. I think I've managed to avoid that so far.

...Zera

[Balkin]

Balance is possible, for MOST people.

EQ is such a huge time/energy hog, and is so IMMERSIVE and complex, that some people just can't play, and maintain balance in their lives. I rarely watch TV anymore myself, though I'll leave it on in the background while I play EQ. CSI is good, and the history channel, and that's about it for me. *shrug*

Personally, I limited my time, instead of specific days. I only get online after my daughter is in bed. That's usually between 8-9 eastern. I also made an agreement with my wife to go up with her when she goes to bed and lay down with her for a few minutes. She just doesn't like to go to bed alone! It works best for me if she goes to bed before 9 obviously, then I don't have to be concerned about an AFK after I log in, but I will go AFK up to 10 minutes or so occasionally. My friends know this, so it's not an issue most of the time.

This means that my normal play time is usually no more than 3 hours at a time, but that's fine for most groups. If I'm going to attend a raid, I let my wife know well in advance, and if some family activity conflicts, well, no raid then. Wife and daughter are always first.

It took me quite a while to reach this balance myself. A good year probably. However, I've been playing since Feb '00, so I'd say it's worked so far. I've had a few breaks in that time. A month off here or there, and that always helps as well.

I'd seriously consider limiting your play time to specific days, or to a specific number of hours (use a timer!). And always, always consult with your wife before you make raid plans etc... RL should always be first. If your computer is in a different room from where your family spends it's time, consider moving it in there. My PC, TV, Stereo, AND excersize equipment are all in one room (big family room) so we spend most of our time down there anyway. Makes a bit of a difference as well.

Good luck striking a balance!

[Ndaara]

Congratulations for recognizing the potential disaster before it happens! I didn't realize what was happening right away. The game sucked me in. Of course, I let it! I started in December 99 and it's a year or 2 ago we finally got things straightened out. Was a rough couple of years to balance.

Like others have mentioned, I clear my EQ time with my husband. If we have RL commitments, then no EQ. Period. This is much easier said than done, for me, if i'm being perfectly honest. But we're working together toward a number of goals, and getting Spell Casting Fury Mastery 2 just isn't on his list. It's on mine, though, so he does his best to be supportive, even if he doesn't understand =)

One day a week, I play EQ in the evenings and he does his own stuff. The other days, we do RL stuff. I often spend a couple hours playing after he goes to bed, too. If I'm not playing, my trader's up. We originally thought the constant temptation of "checking the trader" would be too much for me but it turns out to work pretty well over all. On days when I can't play, I can still sell my smithed armor, and that's fun too!

Different things work for different folks so try a few balancing acts to find what works best for you. Good luck! and let us know what works!

edit: Typos > me

[Telaeth Everdark]

EQ time Vs. Offline time

My boyfriend and I used to have big problems with EQ due to him being a big time raider, and me being a very casual player. We had some serious relationship issues because of it - He forgot his priorities, and I forgot that actually saying there's a problem instead of assuming that "he should just know." Never an assumption you should make, by the way .. no matter how obvious it is to you!

Anyway, we made some compromises. Since we're both still in college and live with our parents, we worked out a deal between us and our parents. Neither set of parents mind if we sleep over at either house, and both he and I are -horrible- junkies. So, I bring my computer over to his house three days a week, and he brings his computer over to my house three days a week. He lightened up a huge amount on his raiding and doesn't do it while I am home without asking first, and I upped my play time so that I could play -with- him other times.

Thursdays and Sundays we do not play, we have friends over Thursday and have a D&D game, have fun, socialize and eat good food. Sunday he goes off to play Warhammer with his friends, and I go visit my friends, and spend time with my family. Saturdays if I'm not working we usually go out during the day or watch Anime, then play in the evening.

Since we both have school in the mornings, and I have work in the afternoon, most of our play is restricted to the evenings. Looking at it, we play about as much as other people watch TV. Our TV hasn't been used to watch anything but DVDs together or play PS2 games in ... three years?

I think my biggest problem may be that I don't spend time with my parents, but I have reasons for it.. my relations with my parents have never been close, we have few common interests aside from work and books (Both parents are librarians, I am going to library school). I honestly belive if it weren't computer games, it would be something else.. counting the days till I can move out =/ My mother actually understands at least.. when she's not being off on a tangent (but that's another story!).

That was a bit more rambling than I had intended.. what it comes down to is we both are careful to keep work up, keep grades up, spend time together (in and out of game), and always reserve a day for ourselves. Compromise is key!

[Alkee]

Time management

Firstly, let me say that this is an excellent thread that we all need to read and the majority of us can relate to.

It used to be a struggle for me to balance everything in my life with regards to time management with my work/wife/child/EQ etc.
My wife is not the sort of person that plays computer games and hates EQ with a vengeance.

Playing EQ has replaced my TV time as I am not interested in anything that is on at the moment. I hate all those reality shows and they seem to be on all the time. But my EQ time used to gradually take over other things that I should be doing in my life.

Having 2 jobs, a wife, and a 2 year old son, correct time management and priorities are very important to me. What gradually happened over a couple of years for me, the priority to play EQ became higher than anything else in my life. Naturally this caused conflict with my wife and I was becoming less social with friends as none of my friends are into computer games. I was training for my sport (squash) less and less, which had a minor affect on my secondary job as a squash coach at the local university.

I needed to make some big changes so on 1st December last year I made a plan with various goals attached to it. NOTE: None of these goals I made had anything to do with EQ as the priorities were myself, my family, my friends. EQ was to fit in as spare time.

This is what has changed in the last 10 months.

Plenty of time for wife and son and both are happy as they are top of the priorities.

Play/train for squash 6 days a week instead of 2 or 3 which has had the affect of huge improvements in my game and made me more enthusiastic with my coaching.

Loss of 28kg of weight with the extra exercise.

More time spent with my friends. (most are sports types like myself so we have a beer etc after squash)

Get out to the movies more, socializing, etc.

Still get to play EQ, but because it is not a priority, I am no longer addicted as much as I was. It also seems more enjoyable and fresh as I am not playing day after day, hour after hour.

Sorry this has been a bit of a long drawn out post and I have rambled on a bit, but just want to sum up with a few points that have worked for me.

1. Correct priorities. Wife/family etc. more important than "only another half a blue till Ding".

2. Set yourself goals to achieve. (I had 4 goals which were progressively harder). Didn't achieve all of them but at the end of the day I was successful.

3. Don't make any of the goals EQ related. By not having any EQ related goals automatically has the effect of lowering EQ's priority in your life as you are working on the important things.

Best of luck in finding the right balance as it can be a difficult thing to do.

Cheers

[Nhin Impious]

Couple things to say here.

First-- I don't understand people who get into relationships where one person loathes how the other person spends their time. I read a lot and the Raven is not much of a reader, but he doesn't mind. On the other hand, he likes to watch TV while medding, and I watch TV so little that I lived without one for three years without missing it. Yet I don't feel offended or upset when he wants to watch TV for a while, even if it's nothing specific. As long as you are spending an agreeable amount of time with your partner (meaning you and they both think you're spending an okay amount), why should they care what you do with the rest of your day?

Second-- I see an awful lot of people talking about "real life" versus EQ. Who is the person who plays EQ if it's not you? Are you less of a thinking, feeling being with a soul (if you believe in souls, if not skip that bit) because you're sitting near a computer ad using a tech interface to play a game with other people? If you tradeskill for hours, doesn't your real life wrist hurt? If something funny happens, don't you spit real soda out your nose?

What makes EQ less "real" than anything else you do in your life? Okay, there are certainly things more *important*-- prior committments, family, and taking care of yourself. But for me, EQ is the vacation I can always go on. It's the world where if someone comments on the color of your skin, it's probably because you're a Froglok or an Erudite. It's a world where you don't face violence for who you choose as your mate. It's a world where today you can be a tall, muscled woman and tomorrow a short, skinny guy in a dress, and nobody thinks you're any stranger than any other gnome wizard because of who your alts are.

EQ is one of the few places in this universe-- and I do mean the "real" universe, the world that includes me, and all you nice folks reading this, and cars and computers and Peanut Butter Twix-- the few places where I can let a little more of myself show, and be not only tolerated, but accepted, and in a few cases even liked for who I am.

EQ is worth every penny that I pay for it and then some. If any future partner of mine wasn't comfortable with my playing EQ, or using the internet, or phoning my friends, and pulled some line about "responsibilities in the real world"-- I would be highly suspicious of just why they felt the need to isolate me and take away the places I felt comfortable being myself. Just my 2cp, though.

Nhinx Aphsion, who managed to make a killer orange-marinade peppered garlic chicken with pasta while hunting today...

[Aandaie]

You need to manage the time you play EQ with limits, like "I will play for 2 hours today even if I'm right in the middle of something in the World of Everquest."

If you are like me, eventually this leads to you finding that you don't have enough time to really get anything done in the world of Everquest. This is a good time to cancel accounts, which is what I did. LDON was really the final straw for me. Having to take about 2 hours to look for a pick up group and then get in a dungeon only to fail due to a lack of needed classes, sucked.
The game was really not for someone so casual or without lots of playing buddies, or under the 45 level "get KEI" cuttoff. SOE Has been going in the OPPOSITE direction of my playing style since Planes of power. Luclin was the last expansion for everyone, as well as the last one I felt I could do much solo in. It was my everquest Last Hurrah.

I think I'm trying Final Fantasy Online next, you can just go and do quests and such rather than depending on downtime intensive stuff like rare drops/mobs. I wish I'd been in the beta of that game, but I've heard enough about it to think I might like it.

Stopping playing for six months to a year probably means it is time to stop for good. I'm looking for a game now that I can play the way I played single player games or the way I watch tv, in small 1 to 2 hour blocks at most. EQ just demands too much time to accomplish even the smallest of things.

This isn't really a bad thing. If like me, you played for four and a half years. I can't think of much else I've done as a "hobby" for that long, certainly I've never played another game for four years. I'm pretty sure I'll never play another one for that long since I hope that future ones get better and better.

Generally if you are talking about doing something in moderation, it is something you should not be doing at all. No one ever says, "yeah, I'm trying to spend time with my family in moderation."

[Sanna]

Nhinx
I don't understand people who get into relationships where one person loathes how the other person spends their time.

There are two points in this post; one is explaination/clarification, and the other is a warning.


In the case of my BF and myself... it's the Addictive Personality trait crossed with the Lack of Time Management trait.

I cannot manage time well. I just can't. Right now, I SHOULD be doing my Dance abstract, Cultural Anthropology paper, Lingustical Anthro book report (have to finish the dumb book first), English Lit paper, Japanese Ling Anthro abstract AND report AND presentation... Instead I troll the boards.

Ever since I was 5 years old, when my father sat me down in front of Star Trek Next Generation, I have had some fantastical setting occupying my mind, some beyond-reality world that was more fun than reality. I haven't 'been here' in a while. I've gone through Star Trek Next Gen and Voyager (stfu voyager bashers ^_^), Babylon 5 (THE greatest scifi show ever, find it and watch it!), freshman year in college where I read webcomics rather than do my work, and then in sophmore year my new roommate got me hooked on EQ.

It is not EQ that made me not want to do and not do my work. It is the Addictive Personality. All those other things have filled the role of Preferred Distraction Of The Moment, and now EQ does that. EQ is 'merely' a tool that fills my darker purposes of "not living in this crappy reality" and "not doing my crappy homework." If it were not EQ, it would be something else.


My parents and my BF saw EQ, not the AP. My BF blamed it heavily until I had to repeatedly explain that anything can fill that slot, and whatever fills that slot will be used in the same manner. A couple times I very nearly made him cry I think, because he thought (and unfortunately not incorrectly) that I was chosing EQ over him.


I met Quartic at the uni's anime club in February 2002. He offered to take me to see Lord of the Rings (my then-current Obsession); it turned into a date, much to my chagrin (at the mere idea of a date, not because he was anything less than adorable and kind). By the end of February we were 'officially' dating, and we haven't looked back since. Anime and Computers are our sticking points; for a very long while, EQ was where we diverged. It's not that I found and aquired someone who HATED everything I did; it's that I gained a trait that the person I was with disliked.

He knows now about my AP and rampant lack of time management. He understands that EQ is merely a tool, so far as when 'it ruins my life'.


That was my answer to Nhinx; this is the warning.
If you see pieces of Addictive Personality in yourself, or if you know already that you have it, Watch Yourself Carefully. I came within a hair's breadth of losing my full-ride scholarship because of AP/EQ, and a friend of mine DID lose a scholarship 'because of too much EQ playing'.


There is a reason why people classify EQ as not being a part of 'real life'. EQ can get in the way of 'real life', of things like Jobs and Friends and Family and Vaccuming Your Own Floor. Especially when coupled with thngs like AP, it can become dangerous and obstructive to living as a productive member of society.



EQ cannot be played in a vacuum (unless you're a necro who knows what you're doing ^_^). You have to 'group', 'make friends', 'rely on the interdependancies of the classes'. Likewise, Real Life cannot be lived alone. If you start paying attention to a game more than you do to the people around you, you need to look at yourself and either get a grip on yourself, or ask someone to get a grip on you for you. Asking for help is not a weakness; recognizing you have a problem and being willing to conquer it is a strength.



AP can be conquered, I'm learning that slowly. But first you have to see that it's there, then you have to want it gone, and asking for help is a very viable path. SO: If anyone sees sullon.iroke, mithaniel.clico, mithaniel.kedamono, marr.tinkbang or firiona.jibun on this weekend, tell me to get the crap off EQ and write my papers. ^_^

And if anyone sees firiona.quartic, send him a tell and welcome him to EQ. Lo and behold... my BF plays now. Human warrior, seems to like it so far. (Then again he's lvl 5 and hasn't had to CR yet ^_^!!)

-- Sanna
and now... on with my dance abstract...

[Nhin Impious]

There is a reason why people classify EQ as not being a part of 'real life'. EQ can get in the way of 'real life', of things like Jobs and Friends and Family and Vaccuming Your Own Floor.

Vacuuming is overrated.

Sitting down to play EQ with the Small Person in my life has really only forced one change: I can no longer scream obscenities at the monitor during a party wipeout.

On the other hand, I don't think it's a bad thing for the kiddo when we sit down and play, or I tell her Eyith stories, or I tradeskill and watch the chatroom while I'm waiting on dinner to cook and she's kiting the cats.

Yeah, I caught her last night, pulling the cat with a laser pointer. I know she had SoW on, because she was about twice as fast as him, and she took him all around the living room. Unfortunately, she got within the range of the older cat, who is apparently a red con, because as soon as she joined the train, the kiddo split for the zone line to her room.

So the kid sees her folks working together, doing research and taking notes-- did you know how little most people read? How rare has it got to be for kids to grow up in a household where their parents actually study things, do math (probabilities, statistics, stuff), practice cooperation.. ok, she's having problems writing her small 'a's so we sit down and think up words that have a's in them, we write out the rest of the word, and she puts the a's in. Neri_k. M_mmoth. H_mmer. And, of course, P_l_din.

EQ is 'merely' a tool that fills my darker purposes of "not living in this crappy reality" and "not doing my crappy homework."

Reality is crappy, sometimes. But it's thousands of times better than any fantasy world we can dream up-- and yet, it's these fantasy worlds that fit us to see the best in reality.

How many of the next decade's heroes-- how many firefighters, police officers, nurses, doctors, paramedics, all the others who get their chance every day, or even once, to make a difference-- how many of those tested their courage first doing a corpse retrieval in Crushbone for a friend? And what would we learn about courage if our characters were just the names over their heads and the plat in the bank? If they weren't hours of adventures, friends, trips, plans, dreams... beings in and of themselves? All the time I spend on Nhinx, her tradeskills, her armor... it may not make Nhinx a better person, or a person at all. But it makes ME a better person. Where did I learn the tricks I used with two other supervisors one Sunday morning at work when we were two crew short? I learned them in a dungeon when the warrior went linkdead and it was me and a ranger versus three mobs. Would I have learned what I did if I didn't throw my heart and soul into being the best player I can be? Don't think so. Could I have learned the same things that I learned in that dungeon at some $500 seminar with a big-name motivational speaker? Probably. But instead I got them for $12.95 a month, and all the fun I could stand.

Your life with EQ is what you make of it. Treat it like an addiction and it'll affect you like a drug; treat it like a vacation and it'll give you somewhere to park your mind. Or treat it like a school-- treat everything like a school-- and see what happens next. You might be surprised.

Nhinx Aphsion, cleric and philosopher of Innoruuk

[shinreineko]

I agree with the other posters, I watch very little TV anymore, for the most part EQ has replaced it. I may watch an episode of the Simpsons or King of the Hill once in a while, or watch an hour of Fox News but thats about it, other than watching anime once in a while lol.

I go to college full time, so during the week I typically don't have time for much more than an hour or two of eq a night, so its a nice break then. (I play a ton on the weekends though)

[Lilosh]

Originally posted by Nhin Impious
so we sit down and think up words that have a's in them, we write out the rest of the word, and she puts the a's in.

And, of course, P_l_din.

I'm having you arrested for teaching your child vulgarity.

:-)


-Lilosh

[Nhin Impious]

I'm having you arrested for teaching your child vulgarity.

D_mn s_rc_stic h_lflings.

Nhinx _phsion

[Sanna]

h_h_h_h_h_h_h_h_h_h_h_h_h_h_h_h_h_h_


-- S_nn_
: P

[Phabos]

*walks quietly into this thread*

*slaps Lilosh*

*quietly walks back out*



Phabos Apshion
Drunken Paladin of Brell
Tarew Marr

[Stugein]

I used to play too much. I fully admit I did. It's the nature of the game. The timesinks. The waiting. You get to a point in the game where in order to accomplish much of anything you need to spend huge amounts of time setting up. I would log in and tell my wife, "I'm only going to be playing for a couple hours tonight." Then you spend so much time (finding group/gathering ingredients/setting up raid/etc/etc) that by the time you are actually "playing" rather than getting ready for something, 5+ hours have gone by and your day has been wasted.

A few things help:

- Plan tradeskill runs well in advance so that you have a clear path to the actual combines and can quickly acquire what you need. Draw it out on paper if you have to.

- Make friends. Sounds stupid, but having friends in the game speeds things up wonderfully. Instead of spending an hour shouting for a group on PoTranq or PoK or whereever, just /who all friends and jump in on what they may be up to.

- Don't do pick-up raids. They are a mess. Only raid with experienced raid leaders and/or experienced raiding guilds...or at least with people that you already know to be competant players. Pick-up raids take too long to set up, even for minor raids, and usually are destined for failure anyhow. I have been involved with pick-up raids that take 2 hours to setup and get underway and then wipe in the first 20 minutes.

- EQ has an "egg timer" (the alarm window). Use it to set yourself play time limitations and force yourself to adhere to those self-imposed restrictions.

It's a matter of will. I limit myself to two "play nights" a week. Two nights (usually one weekday and one weekend day) that I can sit down and spend as much time as I want playing. It works out well for me. Maybe some similar limitation on yourself can help, but only if you have the will to hold to it.

But when all is said and done, if you find that the game is negatively impacting your life or your family, quit. Just quit for good and don't come back. No matter how much fun you are having or how much time or money you have invested in the game there is one undeniable truth, irrefutable and beyond question:

Family > EQ