How does one play EQ and lead a normal life?

[Foxxen]

How does one play EQ and lead a normal life? Do folks here find it takes up so much of their time that other, rather important things get pushed out? I suppose it’s not too much of a problem if you play EQ instead of watching TV. However I find EQ always eats into parts of my life I don’t want it to. I spend less time with my wife. I‘m not nearly as keen to get out and do other activities, I have to push myself to do anything other than play EQ in my spare time.
The pattern I’ve gotten into is to play EQ for ten or twelve weeks by which time it has compromised my other activates. I then stop playing for about six months to a year then start again. I’ve done this since EQ was launched.
What do you think?

[Verdandi]

It sounds like you need to put in more time away from EQ on a regular basis to handle your reponsibilities before they all pile up. Try alternating days or weeks that you play and don't play. Or say that you can play Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday, but not Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday. The important thing, I'd think, is to make it a scheduled routine so that it is harder to rationalize your way into playing more than you should. Make sure you leave enough room to take care of the things that have to be done and also leave enough room for some quality time with your wife and any other loved ones who have a right to your time. I definitely recommend setting aside entire days or weeks rather than trying to, say, play only half as long every day. When you're used to long stretches of play it will seem like more of a hardship to play a shorter time, especially if you're trying to log off early; it's easier to just not get on at all for that day. Plan some things you and your wife really enjoy, so that you have even more incentive to keep that time with her open.

You could also try getting your wife into EQ, if she's at all receptive to the idea. I know many happily married couples who play together.

[Foxxen]

I like to idea of having EQ 'no go' days very much, good plan indeed. Lots of sound advice there.
My wife would rather lose her left leg than play EQ. It's just not her thing.

[Lling]

I think by taking long breaks from EQ, you feel the need to play "catch up" when you return. This can then eat up more time than if you simply played a few days a week on a consistent basis.

EQ is very unhealthy for some individuals, I think. There are people out there who get their entire sense of accomplishment from the game. Some find it hard to achieve the balance between real life and play time.

"Everything in moderation."

[Tinile]

If EQ is interferring with your RL and marriage, you may want to quit for good. A game is not worth ruining RL/marriages for.

[Iannyen]

You seem to be on the "binge and purge" method of EQ. You play as much as you possibly can, then stop playing all together.

It could also be compared to "falling off the wagon". You seem to recognize that theres a problem, and thats good.

I, personally, don't watch TV anymore. Theres nothing good on. Reality TV sucks. Sitcoms blow. Theres a few good dramas, but they're few and far between. Law and Order, The West Wing, thats about all I'll put up with. If I'm going to stare at a screen, I'd rather interact with it.

Now movies are different. I love watching movies with the wife. Sometimes we work a puzzle.

Read a book.

Go to the park.

Basically, find ballance.

[Lilosh]

Aye,

I've given up TV almost entirely.

Occasionally, at one of my previous jobs, I'd catch a bit of CNN.

And recently, havinbg moved in with a friend, she's got me watching CSI and Law and Order.

But other then a few, rare shows, during rare times, Everquest has simply replaced Television.


-Lilosh

[Cubwynn]

Moderation is the key. If you can't discipline yourself to only a few hours a week, you may want to quit altogether, because it will certainly start to impact your relationship with your spouse.

Computers are wonderful things, but there are always people out there who are unable to control their impulses, whether it be EQ, chatting, pr0n, etc.

I am with Iannyen on this. I can't stand watching TV passively like some kind of brain-dead sheep. I actually gave mine away 2 years ago when I realized I hadn't turned it on in months.

My advice? Leave EQ, and find something you and your wife enjoy doing together! You'll be surprised how much better your relationship can be. :-)


p.s. not to say you should do everything together... you should set aside time to do your own thing as well. Too much interaction can be as bad as not enough ;-)

[kiztent]

Guess it depends on what you want to do with life. Since I bought my first AD&D book (a 3rd printing first edition players handbook) - well my mother bought it for me - roleplaying games have been a part of my life. A huge part.

Ever since I played with my first time sharing computer, a year after I started playing AD&D, computers have been a huge part of my life. I work with them for a living in fact.

Ever since I first saw the Internet, when I joined my first mailing list and was flamed for my first stupid noob post (jnet%"ADND-L@princeton"), I've been captivated. I was even an Internet consultant in the boom years.

Playing EQ is ok by me. I've been waiting more than 20 years for the technology to catch up to the point where I could play it, although I didn't realize it. : D

[Sanna]

Hop over to Primal Scream and see what happened to me this weekend.

I didn't start EQ to play EQ, I started to be in a specific guild and raid with them. That guild shattered this past Saturday, in the space of 30 hours. And I seriously faced the idea of not signing on ever again.

Why? My goal was gone. And I realized that I had done a horrible thing.

I had put EQ in such a position in my life that when something bad happened in game, granted one of the worser things that could happen (desertion by friends and betrayal by leaders), it depth-charged my Real Life to the point that I walked around in a black funk all Monday. This Is Bad.



EQ has a place in a life, and a function. It is a game. A form of entertainment. When it becomes something more, there is a problem growing that needs to be addressed.


Speaking as a chick: Do not ignore the wife. ^_^. EQ should go before she does. Yes, some couples do love to play EQ together, and if you think it's worth suggesting, then so do. But don't force her into it. ^_^


If EQ is your form of relaxation, then let it be that. Just realize that there is a little Artificial Intelligence thing somewhere that knows.... when you're signing on because you just want a distraction from RL crap... and it makes the game be mean to you...


Given that I've never had anything resembling a 'normal life', I'm not sure how someone possessing one would balance it and EQ. I'm tempted to even say that no one playing EQ in the first place has a 'normal life'.


But what I found this last weekend is that the Self, like 'myself', needs a lot more watching than you think it does. I should have seen this problem a while ago, and I guess I should be happy it surfaced now, before something happened that was long-term destructive.


EQ has a place. Put it in that place, and make sure it stays there. ^_^


-- Sanna

[Murmullo DelBosque]

I will support some of the others here and suggest setting aside "non EQ days". Aside from EQ, I spend a lot of time with my "spouse-like person", paint models, play Warhammer, play D&D and have a very active social life. And yes I work full time too. My main is only a couple blue from 65, I'm close to GMing fletching and I even have a couple AAs but my character is over 2 years old and I have had 2 seperate 5 month AFKs from the game when things in RL got to be too much (moving into a new house will do this!). So I have still managed to accomplish quite a bit in EQ while painting up well over 100 models, playing D&D one night a week and going out a lot with spouse and friends. A balance is possible!!

Now while many of you out there might find some problem in this, I ASK my wife what she is doing on a specific evening (say if a friend lets me know there is a raid or something going on) and if she says "I was hoping to go and see a movie/walk/bake and want a hand/etc", well there's no raid. I have no problem "asking permission" to go and disappear in the basement in front of my computer when it means that I will be essentially unavailable for several hours (she does understand that leaving the computer in mid fight/dungeon/raid is not always fair to whoever else I'm grouped with). Now this being said, there are some days when I lead or plan to attend a raid, and I tell my wife beforehand (as soon as I know) that I will be chained to the computer on evening X and then she is free to make whatever plans she wants.

Also, I have my TV in the same room as my computer and my wife often comes down and sits in the same room to watch some tv and crochet or cross-stich while I play on the computer. We can still chat, I'm still there to ooh and ahh when she finishes a project or part of one and while we're not sharing the same activity, we're close and even that can help.

I think it comes down to play EQ during your FREE time, just make sure that your other activites come first (ie come home, do a couple chores/make dinner) and then hit EQ. You will loose an hour or two of EQ time but even cleaning the kitchen or cooking dinner with your spouse makes for some together time to chat, snag a hug and kiss and vent about the day at work.

My 2 cp. Happy Gamming!!

[Murmullo DelBosque]

!##$@ silly double post.... Bad "BACK" button!!

[Leafshadoe]

And to add, there is that wonderful little timer that I set for my gaming time to finish when I have other stuff to do. I work full time (shifts) so I am on at different times. My awsome wife plays EQ as well. We see it as entertainment- I'd rather play a game on the pc, or read a book, than watch the telly anyway. I have a large gaming group that I have taken an absence from running, however, because I didn't feel I could devote the time/attention those people demand (sigh!) and immerse myself properly in EQ. So, like anything, there are compromises

Cheers,
Leaf

[eniamn]

/agree tv is so bad that i wouldn't watch it if i didn't have eq. books dont last long enough.
/agree wife playing eq makes things much smoother. mine is an evil de necro. kinda scary. thats ok. i trying to get her the in game nightie to wear for me and a second accout of her own. want to play together.

as someone who never really stops being obsessed with something get multiple things to do. with D&D, GURPS, EQ, and other stuff like FF I-XII i can keep myself distracted and it makes breaking away from any one activity easier. sometimes you just switch focus but practicing pulling out of the game helps a lot. i actually was diagnosed with an attention problem. i zone out everything i'm not working on. REALLY BAD WITH EQ. oh well. my wife understands and yells louder to get my attention. once i look up its better.

[Leafshadoe]

my wife understands and yells louder to get my attention. once i look up its better.

Lol. Yeah, its the ear twist or the poke in the shoulder (she sits two feet to my left)-- we also chat while playing EQ using Teamspeak (we host a server and it makes it easy to hear each other over the ingame noise/music). She's a Ranger 9