Call for help / Big Book of Oops stories

[Brodder FoamyMugs]

Hoi it's me Brodder again.

I've collected the newest brewing stories over in the Brewing section, they have many tinkered devices mentioned there.
If you could break them down in this thread and come up with suggested recipes and dificulties for them it'd be grand.

I also want to ask all of you tinkerers for stories and fictional gnomes that might have made it into the "Great Big Book of Oops".
You can use names of historical (for EQ1) gnomes or make some up.
Looking for an entry of about 100-150 words each basically describing the device they were working on, how big of an oops it was and how impressed the gnomes were and how the tinkerer died.

Look at my first new brewing diary stories for an idea of what a gnome expects to do tinkering to get into the book.

Lists of Unsolved (read failed) projects, grand ideas that drove gnomes mad and of grand vision of apprentices who gave it their all (and their lives) for the all important Experiment!
And of course the Boom! Or Zzzap! Or Blazzt! Or Kapooow! Or Pinzerafooooooogooooschlupkt (that got a page all of it's own.)

Ohh and the Clockwork Dragon isn't an Oops...though offering to wind him back up might have been. Or even worse to grease his internals ...CHOMP! Ooops!

Feedback by recipe (copy pertinent sections here please and break them down for tinker forum review ) is most welcome.

I know some of the devices are hard to make already and darkmatter is hell to get. I suggested an alternative, but I still need a recipe for a tinkered device that makes powdered darkmatter from darkmatter too.


Brodder
In memory of Catbik Tinkerton

[Brodder FoamyMugs]

NO suggestions for the "Great Big Book of Oops?"

[KyrosKrane]

Random thought. This may be a good place to justify why some of the items players always want, but can't get for game balance reasons, can't be made in game. We'd get a lore reason for why they can't exist -- that being, someone tried, but failed so spectacularly that it became a legend, a cautionary tale told to young gnomes to prevent them from repeating the mistake.

[Brodder FoamyMugs]

Random thought. This may be a good place to justify why some of the items players always want, but can't get for game balance reasons, can't be made in game. We'd get a lore reason for why they can't exist -- that being, someone tried, but failed so spectacularly that it became a legend, a cautionary tale told to young gnomes to prevent them from repeating the mistake.

It might have been originally written with that in mind, but it's become an aspiration to get their name in the book.
I mean, the gnome that invented the screw is looked upon with shame. It's impossible to improve on a screw itself.
Now the number of gnomes that have entries in the "Great Big Book of Oops" trying to improve on the screwdriver is tremendous!

NOw the number of gnomes that got entries in trying to develop the "Great Big Suck-O-Matic" hasn't really been established- this was originally created to be a home accessory to clean up household dust and never need to be dumped out. (I mean energized darkmatter is almost a blackhole neh?) But then several gnomes expanded on this device thinking they could send it into an enemy's city and eliminate them (and do same for goblin camps, minotaur caves etc etc). The list of Officials and Scientists that disappeared on the day of the debue of this item hasn't really been established, mainly due to the theories of the Tinker who created the fabulous compactor series of devices.
That is, they just got shrunk up and then popped out in another dimension.
Luckily the Suck-o-matic inverted itself when there was nothing in the area left for it to suck in. That area shows high instability and gravometric fluxing.

---

[Kakg]

A bit more than 150 words but here goes:

-----

Down in the depths of the Ak’Anon, not far from the entrance to the Mines of Malfunction, there is a very, very small grave. Upon the very small stone that marks that grave is written in tiny but perfect copper plate writing, the name Zinibar.

The grave is not small because Zinibar was a gnome. Neither is it very small because he was a particularly small gnome. It is very, very small because there was not much left of Zinibar left to bury when they found him. Just a stub of pencil, a bent whirzelgig and his favourite thrust washer; the one which he rolled over his burnt and calloused fingers when working on a particularly knotty problem.

Those of other races would wonder at the lack of body parts. Some might even speculate that Zinibar had not died at all but had scarpered as soon as he saw the devastation he had wrought. But only a gnome could understand the attachment to a thrust washer and know that its owner must surely have died than face being parted from it.

To have been buried within the confines of Ak’Anon at all signified a great deal of merit but what was it that Zinibar had done to warrant such a reverant grave?

Zinibar was in charge of the Clockwork Cleaners. He was responsible for ensuring all of the cleaners throughout Ak’Anon worked at peak efficiency. In his spare time he also studied alchemy. Now given that he was a gnome and those of the gnomish race are not particularly noted for their leanings towards the shamanic arts one might have thought twice about dabbling in such an arena, but not Zinibar. He had decided that to improve the workings of the cleaner clockworks he had to find a more powerful form of soap. Something that could literally blast away the dirt and grime from the streets of Ak’Anon.

He had trialled many types of soap combinations including a particularly nasty concoction made from adding extra glutins to green dragon snot which he found could remove even the most stubborn stains from a dwarvish hand. This he had called Dwarf-EGA. There was also a vile and smelly dish cleaner made from a large lemon and three freshly squeezed fairies which was so acidic it required the cleaner to wear extra strength rubber gloves or face having their fingers disolve. Hence the name Extra Strong Lemon and Fresh Fairy Liquid.

But it was when he decided to specialise on the various concoctions made by combining pure glycerine soaps and various acidic solutions that things really took off. His notes where sketchy but it is understood that after starting at A for Amino, B for Boric, C for Carbonic and so forth; he had reached as far as N when his notes had ended in a charred and ragged nature.

But fear not, when they did eventually find the missing parts of his laboratory everyone agreed that it was quite incredibly clean.

[uncleshmoozo]

he had reached as far as N when his notes had ended in a charred and ragged nature.

But fear not, when they did eventually find the missing parts of his laboratory everyone agreed that it was quite incredibly clean.

ROTFLMAO!

[Kakg]

OK here's a shorter one for the book of oops.

The gnomish urge to tinker stems from an innate desire to avoid an invite to an Ogre banquet as the appetiser. The earliest known expression of this is the Hedgehog Helmet, or to give it it's gnomish title, Zartheran's Spring Loaded Emergency Anti-edibility Headwear.

This consisted of four sprung spikes mounted on a small dwarvish miners helmet. As invariably Ogres tend to eat gnomes head first (the squealing upsets their delicate digestive tract) the wearer could operate the device thus firmly lodging their helmet in the ogres mouth. Then by releasing the chin strap they can drop free and escape.

The device is named after Zartheran not because of it's inventor. Who as happen stance would have it was another of the Geerlok clan. But after Zartheran the test gnome who found that you need to PULL not PUSH the release lever on the early hedgehog helmets and thus saved many generations of gnomes from digestion at the cost of the mother of all headaches for himself.

[Brodder FoamyMugs]

I think most if not all entries into the "Great Big Book of Oops" need to be fatalities, or at least not leave much or enough to rez behind.

1- Item or path followed
2- Name of Inventor/scientist/experimenter.
3- His stated purpose and theory/hopes as to why he/she was pursuing this objective.
4- When where how and why basically-
5- OOPS! Details as by survivors observers and "The Council of the Wrench".
6- Conclusion, who took up the wrench (who's taken over this line of experiments/project etc).


Entry #1276 Doctor Phwilbultooknis aka "Big Belly Phwil"
Doctor Phwilbultooknis came to the Council of the Wrench with his theory of expansion gap filling via use of potions of gigantinism and cloudform. His stated purpose was to prove that you could expand one's form to a near gaseous state and blend it with volatilized liquified mana so that when said volunteer de-expanded that his form would be vitalized with mana throughout. This would let any gnome who did not have the gift to realize their dreams of being able to cast spells.
Unfortunately Big Belly Pwhil tested his project at the same time as Apprentice Franzill Geerlok was testing his vaporizer rain maker. The suction was to great for the cloudified Big Belly Pwhil to resist and the resulting mana storm and rain over steamfront was a sight to see for over a week. We find no validation to the rumors that the winds of this storm sounded like ole Big Belly Phwil uttering the famous words "Oooooops". It's more likely that it wsa just an "Oh [Censored by council]", but due to the number of witnesses who argue otherwise "We the Council of the Wrench" award Doctor Phwilbultooknis this posthumous entry it the Great Big Book of Oops in honor of his great thinking.
We the Council of the Wrench look forward to more experiments and futher development of this theorem.

---------

Hope that's an example that's easy to follow. Keep them coming though.
This should be fun.

[Maevenniia]

Entry # 1324 Journeywoman Elnora Copperpot

Journeywoman Elnora theorized that bodily transformations, heretofore accomplished only by means of a magical spell or potion, could be accomplished by means of a device she had built and which she called the Gnomish Transmogrifier. As an initial test, the prototype was set to transform the wielder into a rodent, with further animal types being planned for future versions.

Deciding to keep it simple, she programmed the device to work with a simple verbal command, unfortunately just as she was about to record the command into the device someone walked into the lab and called out “hello!” and the machine accepted this as the activation command. Deciding that it was too much trouble to re-record a new command (having just run out of memory crystals), she left it as-is.

Regrettably, Elnora did not keep her appointment on the day she was set to demonstrate the device’s function to the Council of the Wrench. The Council sent apprentice after apprentice to her laboratory, but neither she nor the apprentices came to the Council chambers. Finally one of the councillors took it upon herself to march over there and demand an explanation for the delay. She stormed into the lab and promptly ran out again, screaming for the Exterminator, and pursued by over a dozen rats. The Exterminator deployed his clockwork cats and handled the infestation promptly... much to the Council’s embarassment. (YOU try explaining to fifteen families that their beloved child, recently apprenticed, was transformed into a rat and then hunted down and killed by the clockwork cats....)

Journeywoman Elnora Copperpot is hereby entered into the Great Big Book of Oops, and the Council cautions any experimenters wishing to pursue her research that future versions of the device should perhaps employ a non-verbal means of activation / de-activation, seeing as animals cannot speak (without magical assistance, anyways.)

[tuis]

Gold.

Hel...er, HI!

[Flehmen]

Well, keeping along the lines of Gnomes who practiced arts not becoming a Gnome and made it into the big book of "Ooops!".

Entry #3431 Apprentice Woodelthorp’s Bentiron

Except from Clockwork Investigator XIVc report to The Council of the Wrench:
Woodelthorp Bentiron was a Gnome with an unusual, and some said unhealthy, passion for the out of doors. So much so that she even started to learn a little woodcraft in a gnomish sort of way. To this day it has been said that Mother Tunare does not take kindly to gnomes who tinker with nature. It was either that or she didn't like the gnomish bolts that Woodelthorp embedded in so many of Tunare's trees.
As a young tinker, Woodelthorp produced many a fine bow cam and met many a fine ranger. In fact, she was quite well known for the first creation of the triple auto-actuated cammed bow, but more serious she liked to travel to the city of Kelethin. A dangerous journey across Lesser Faydark for one so young.
Eye witness accounts suggest that Woodelthorp wished to invent a safer way of traveling from Ak’anon to Kelethin; crossing the Steamfont mountain range into the heart of Greater Faydark. With help of druid magic she grew several trees near the pass into Lesser Faydark and, with the help of the Geerlok family’s automatic tree harvester, created a bow stave of immense proportions. <details on construction reserved, see recommendation> Eyewitnesses reports differ on the exact details of what happened next, however, as near as anyone can tell the skunk surprised Woodelthorp enough to make her jump into the path of the bow string basket. The vibration of the surprised movement cocked and released the new experimental trigger she was installing. The last anyone had seen of her was a flash of green tunic majestically sailing over the peaks of the Steamfont mountains.

Recommendation:
While travel by catapult, trebuchet, or other leverage assisted means remains a plausible means of translocation it is the recommendation of the council that the subjects of tethered deceleration, rocket powered inertial compensators, anti-gravity, or other forms of personal deceleration devices be explored.

Footnote:
Soon after this incident the first teleportation from Luclin occurred rendering Apprentice Woodelthorp’s ideas more suitable for ocean crossing. Perhaps the gnomish translocaters may be replaced while we work on the articulated sails for autotranslocating water conveyance? Translocater Malien Busybottom has expressed interest.

[Brodder FoamyMugs]

-claps hands-

MORE!!

[Maevenniia]

Gold.

Hel...er, HI!

[Brodder FoamyMugs]

Entry # 23 in the "Great Big Book of Oops"

Elson Bookbinder inventor of the Automated Scroll Sorter-SteamStamper-spineweaver and binder Press Bookmaker. THis device was one of the first automated presses created in Akanon. With the piles and piles and piles of scrolls cluttering offices, labs, and even spilling over into the passage of Akanon, Journeyman Elson "Sparks" Scrollsorter was tired of his job. He swore that he'd find a better way of preserving the scrolls and making them stack. This he did admirably. His automaton was able to sort and read the special scroll marks, stretch them out, steam them without damaging the delicate writing, cut them to size and then sew them up one side and then using the original scroll covers and spine create a cover that listed all of the contents inside using keyword entered by the operator.
Unfortunately Sparks dropped his favorite spanner while adjusting the feed hopper and it grabbed his robes and drew him down into his device arms full of his favorite scrolls.
We the Council of the Wrench, year 212, hereby not only award Elson his well deserved place in history, but have voted to change his surname from Scrollsorter to Bookbinder for giving us the first Bookbinding device. His device has been improved on over the years and the council will always approve of further refinements to this original work in his honor.
_subnote- Unfortunately the Book Elson Sparks made of himself was recently stolen by a young tinkering necromancer apprentice who was sure he could revive the book and then use it as a living- well sorta- book.
A large reward is offered for the return of this book to the Council of Wrenches or the Clerics of Brell in Akanon. Proof of a Good Spanning of this necromancer's head or knotting of his beard will also be rewarded.
-Jonas Gaemfulkinurameister the III

[Tiroon]

Ahh well - seems I am useless when it comes to the whole brevity thing. So here goes nothing:

Entry #1703

After a thorough investigation we have come to the sad conclusion that Blipshod Bloxgom, inventor of the Elemental Collider is no more.

We can also clearly state that the recent all-out battle involving all Grikbar clans, the Minotaurs, the skeleton–drake–clockwork alliance and the elemental & rat coalition was a consequence of Blipshod's untimely demise rather than the cause.

His unique method of connecting two clockwork-catapults with a tube, then employing his acute sense of timing to guide his very well trained operator elementals to make a water and a fire elemental collide mid-tube, thereby creating a steam elemental is his towering achievement and the root of his fatal last project.

In his quest to create the ultimate elemental he came up with the concept of an elemental super collider. In his last engineering feat he connected four tubes to an X-shape and attached four clockwork-catapults. The general idea seems to have been to collide a fire, a water, an earth and an air elemental to achieve his goal.

The council of the wrench's investigators were very anxious to learn how such an accomplished engineer could have failed so fatally but it took the chance discovery of the reagents intended to be in the middle of the tube and the realization that Blipshod, while emotional, was also known to be very polite, prone to euphemisms rather than swearing.

He must have set up the whole experiment perfectly with all parts at the ready, standing in the middle of the collider to install the stabilizer reagents when he realized that he'd left them in his laboratory in Ak'Anon. We can only shudder at the thought of the sheer horror Blipshod must have felt that last fraction of a second of his life, after uttering his last words, which must have been "Ohh Shoot".

The Council of the wrench hereby grants Blipshod a place in the Great Book of Oops. We will complete the entry once the cleanup of the aftermath is a bit more progressed. We are still impressed about the sheer extent of the mayhem that can be created by telling a bunch of elementals with catapults pointing in all four directions to shoot. We also are rather surprised what those elementals came up with for ammo, sparing no rat, skeleton or even minotaur who had come to investigate what was bombarding them with kobolds.

We the Council of the Wrench are still interested in the study of improved elementals but have one piece of advice for any enterprising researcher: Please watch your language!