Translating EQ-Speak: Post-Modern Understanding

[GrimwoodCT]

Deciphering EQ-speak can be tough. Noam Chomskyhas yet to finish his definitive opus, Everquest, Iraq and the Gerund but I have endeavored to translate some of the more slippery phrases one may encounter in the day to day interactions in Everquest.

Format: Statement/phrase. Translation.

5k OBO. Its like 5k, can I have more though.
I only have 2k, will you take 2k? I have 120k, I just want to save money.
How do you make metal bits? I've never heard of EQtraders.com
I'm at the red bank. I am at the blue bank, invisible, in Minor: Illusion.
Anything for a newbie to this server. Zek is down bluebie, pimp my alt.
Are you looking for a guild? We need someone to make stuff free for our officers.
Can I ask you a question? I've already asked you a question but I now have another question.
Do you have a minute? This will take all day so please stop what you are doing and make me a priority.
I will farm the parts and get back to you. I am about to die in a Creator mission and need a corpse summon.
Can you put that on your trader? I will buy it from someone else while you are sleeping.
Wow, you look good as a Dark Elf. I have zero hits on my match.com account.
My girlfriend and I hunt there all the time. My female High Elf alt and I 2 box that all the time.
Ne bufz plz? I need buffs but am unwilling to part with paltinum for said buffs.
Necro LFG. I just bought this account.
Any guilds recruiting? Thanks for the invite, can I be a banker?
AFK door, brb. Kids are in my yard, be right back.
AFK, bio, brb. I told those kids, stay out of my yard.
AFK, phone, brb. Ok, now you don't get your ball back. Rotten kids.
Did PoK crash? The dog chewed through my cable.
I need to get dinner out of the oven. I need to get the pizza box off the top of my monitor.
I am teaching my 4 year old to play EQ. Train to KC Zone out.
I am teaching my 3 year old to play EQ. Press this button to advertise C3, press this button to cast C3, press this button to accept donation.
I am teaching my 2 year old to play EQ. Press this button to forage.
I let my friend play on this account, I don't know what happened. I am the only one who plays this account and yes I ninja'd that in Riftseeker's.
Buffs plz. I require buffs. Buffs are required now. You will buff me. The buffs must be cast now. You are thanked.



This is by no means an exhaustive list and I am soliciting further additions from the community to help creative a more seamless integration between the spoken word and its meaning.

[Ddemons Ddemise]

INC a few-- Holy **** The whole zone just aggroed me

[Ddemons Ddemise]

still wont let me edit posts.. so..

Sorry, went LD -- ****, your still here?

[Niphreedil]

Sure, I can do tailoring combines anytime. After you have run from PoK to AG I'll tell you you must bring me 2 Coarse Silk.
Bleh the RNG is playing with me today. I just wasted your stack of Coarse Silk but I dinged 120 so it's a happy day!
The recipe is somewhere on EQ traders. Coarse Silk Swatch takes 2 Coarse Silk but I don't feel like explaining where to find those.
The best gear comes from AAAA and I can sell you one. You might need a few other things, like a raiding guild for instance.
Sea Dragon Meat for sale. To hell with druids and their epic.
$@#~&! I failed Bristlebane's Challenge but salvaged Coldain Pickles, thrice.

[Syuni D'zpecyzczn]

An old friend, a ranger, taught me that there are only two inc messages.

Inc %t. Target and up to three friends, depending on wind direction.

Oops. More than three friends, regardless of whether target was aggroed at all. Run. Expect video lag to kill your chances to gate.

I use them to this day. =)

[Ddemons Ddemise]

INC a few-- Holy **** The whole zone just aggroed me

to the above.
the quoted message is the third :P

and yes.. if i say INC a few.. yes.. run.. fast.. as the whole zone is INC ..

(iv pulled all of Kael before.. Statue and Vindi included.. course i died before the whole train was in view so i never got a screenshot =/ .. and yes, i was solo.. but i wish someone else was there so they could have snapped a few pics..

[GrimwoodCT]

One of the finest monks on CT is one my regualr hunting partners.

Her incoming message is pretty standard.

Blurred tells the group, INC ===> a riftseeker gaurdian <=== INC : One mob as named.
Blurred tells the group, INC ===> a riftseeker gaurdian <=== INC and friend : Mob and add incoming.
Blurred tells the group, INC ===> a riftseeker gaurdian <=== INC Umm, twoish : At least three mobs, AE mez or mez quickly.
Blurred tells the group, INC ===> a riftseeker gaurdian <=== INC Looks like several : Pop your servant, Disciplines and consent the rogue.
Blurred tells the group, INC ===> a riftseeker gaurdian <=== INC Umm....lots : We can summon and reform.
Blurred tells the group, INC ===> a riftseeker gaurdian <=== INC WTF!! :
When you arrive at bind you will have pre-Luclin graphics amd Reagan will be President.

[Pootle]

/OOC Looking for high level tailor - looking for someone to supply all the components, do the running around and farming to make me some armor that I dont want to pay much for, and I cant be bothered to get the components myself cos it takes too much time!

Yes I did experience this once, and I have the conversation screenshot.

[Diani]

I owe you one : You will never see me again and if you ever get it into your stupid brain to call on me for help I will be to busy or to lazy and I wont help you. Of course I reserve the right to ask you again for combines I can sell for mucho pp in the bazaar. Just dont get it into your head that I will ever return the favour

[Ddemons Ddemise]

ah i just remembered one that i remember well :P

if i ever say "INC TRAIN" .. read it "INC --Your about to LD.. please log in soon"

as one time i pulled all of blackburrow to show a friend and a couple people zoned in around that time.. i run the train by my friend and the people who zoned in to give em a kick . .

i did a /who shortly later and they were all LD ..

[Tiroon]

All the tank's discs are down, the cleric's on an extended bio, the chanter has just gone LD, the DPS are off for a smoke. All this can be easily put in just a few words:

Puller_01 tell the group: "I just popped lesson - kill them fast"

[olhoss]

Hey Buddy! LTNS! How's it going? You don't know me and never have but I need buffs and don't want to offer you any plat for them.

YOU trained ME! I trained you, but I want to be able to put this on my /report to counter your /report

ADD! The cleric is dead, because you weren't watching. Are you going to pay for rez stones?

WTB AoN 200K I don't care that they sell for 500K, I want to buy it for my chosen price

WTS AoN 500K I hope someone is stupid enough to pay 500K for an AoN

Lowest Prices in the Bazaar! 80% of my items are not lowest or even second lowest in the bazaar, because I haven't checked.

WoS? Your Ashengate/FC/Valdeholm message on the lfg board must mean that you will do WoS if I don't have TSS

[Ddemons Ddemise]

Ugh, that WoS thing annoys me to no end..
Ill go LFG ..and put "exp, no WOS or Veksar please" . .as i hate the zones..

10 min later "soandso has invited you to a group" .. /tell soandso where? .. Soandso tells you, "WoS' ..

Decline..

5 min later "Soandso has invited you to a group" /tell Soandso where? "veksar"

Decline.

/gu *insert rant about the ignorance of humanity here*

[Kahmon]

Lowest Prince in Bazaar! - None available at a good price in the bazaar at the moment.

WTS Tradeskill_Item_01 5K! thats half what they usually sell for! - Someone bought out all the ones at the usual 1K, but the idiot asking 10K makes my 5K price look better.

[Xerius]

I'll give you 800 pp, it's all I have - I need three GM augs, you supply the Metallic Drake Scales, the Purescale Ore, the patterns and I need it done now.

Taken from an actual conversation this evening. Asking what was to me the obvious question, namely why I should provide all the materials, the skill and leave what I was doing to help him now, I received what seemed to him to be the obvious answer, that all tradeskillers were rich and had nothing but time.