A message for the Ladies

[Quinner Sparrowhawk]

Ladies, If you see a nice single guy that is very active in community service, has an active social life with his gaming friends, dresses nicely and is usually well groomed, treats women and all others with respect and kindness, has decent looks, can cook, is generally happy and appears to you to be the man of your dreams do him a favor and LEAVE HIM THE HECK ALONE instead of conspiring with his family to trap him into matrimony.

If I sound bitter and resentful it's because I am.

[Delfontes]

I thought all the guys like that already had boyfriends?

[EnfinitiStarr8]

Hey! I do not have a boyfriend, even thou I did get a offer... :shock:

[Verdandi]

That's not hard to do. If he's truly the man of my dreams he will be just as willing to marry as I, once we're sure we're right for each other. If he's not willing to commit to me in spite of a sufficiently advanced relationship, I'll move on and consider it his loss.

On the other hand, I don't take it well when people try to push me into something I don't feel is in my best interests. Such people don't usually maintain an important role in my life for long. Well, excepting family, with whom I'm stuck no matter what. Luckily, my family is great about not meddling.

*hugs Quinner* If you're not ready to marry her but she ignores your wishes and insists on pushing it, to the point of goading your family into helping her push you, she doesn't sound like a great partner with whom to live your life.

Just my perspective, of course.

[Heartsong_Steelsoul]

I agree with Verdandi - if they are the right one, there is no "trapping". Other than the community service part, I like to think that you gave an adequate description of my husband. He proposed after we'd been dating for three and a half months or so, because we BOTH knew the other was the right person.

Then I had to break it to my family, who, naturally (with that whole three months thing) didn't know him very well...

Heartsong

[Quinner Sparrowhawk]

Thanks for the hug Verdandi. The unfortunate thing is I have been married for five years to a person I am only now beginning to see. She was supportive of all of my other activities at first but has slowly taken over my entire life. She has become very selfish and self-centered, never appologizing for anything, expecting me to take care of all of the chores she finds unpleasant, even telling me how to do my job....anything that goes wrong always seems to be my fault. I know that this is not a counselling board and this has little to do with tradeskills or EQ but I needed a place to vent. Thanks for reading and caring.

p.s. I'm counting on Lilosh or Kiztent to post something totally outrageous to break me out of this maudlin mood.

[Delfontes]

My wife is selfish too...

I sit at my computer night after night playing EQ for hours on end...

Wondering what on earth she could be upset about?

Heck, I haven't done anything at all.

[Verdandi]

Doh, well that's definitely a horse of another color. Whatever else happens, remember that you are not a bad person and don't deserve to be treated badly. There's always two sides to any story, but she has no right to be abusive. You've probably heard this plenty already, but I'd strongly suggest counseling. Many religious organizations and employers offer it for free. If she won't go with you, go by yourself. You are worth it.

And by all means feel free to keep venting here

[lonewylfe]

I have a friend who's going through the same thing right now.
Counseling is a good idea even if she won't go, b/c you will have someone to talk to who's seen this thing before and might have some good advice for you.
I have to admit though, I have a bad habit of trying to get my husband to do the chores I hate ops:

[Serenya]

I have to admit though, I have a bad habit of trying to get my husband to do the chores I hate ops:

We ALL do that, ops: luckily I know my husband does the same thing. If I hate them, I'd bribe my worst enemy to do them for me. Actually worked pretty well when I roomed with my sister -- I did the vacuuming (she hated it and is allergic to dust) and she did all mopping (which I LOATHE. I don't care if my feet are sticking to the floor, I'll pay megabucks to get it done before I'll do it).

[kiztent]

Actually, people change over time. I know this as a fact, because I am convinced that my next door neighbor's wife channels Satan on a regular basis. I suspect this is a recent thing since I don't expect anyone in their right mind would marry someone like that.

He has responded to this development by getting drunk a lot and hanging in there for the children, to make sure they have 2 parents.

But, anyway...

You're not the same person you were 5 years ago. Neither is your wife.

Sounds like a recipe for more EQ time to me. Get some quality levelling in.

[Ngreth Thergn]

I went through the same thing, the only difference is that we did not make it to marriage (though we were engaged)

But basically the same thing happened. She even became MENTALLY abusive. I finally managed to get out before marriage happened.

[Lilosh]

And ladies, on the opposite end of that spectrum,

If you see the semi-cute, funny guy with The boyish grin and the quick wit. You know the one who you always see, and who seems to always have his head on the ground...

Give him a friendly smile, and perhaps the time of day.


-Lilosh

[EnfinitiStarr8]

Second taht one Lilosh!

[Farnyr]

I third that one too Lilosh.

Guys have feelings too you know.

Quinner, as bad as this sounds. Sometimes you are better off alone. Take a vacation alone for say a week. Go visit family, old college chum, or just do something youve always wanted to do. Let her deal with things while you are gone. Maybe that will show her just how valuable you are to her. And if that doesnt snap her out of it, I got an uncle from Jersey ya know? He can take care of things.... kidding, kidding. In all seriousness, it sounds like she needs a reality check/mental help.


P.S. Howyoudoin? Howyoudoin?