My husband thinks I am nuts

[Lling]

And I think he is insensitive.

Not about everything. We just happen to disagree on this issue.

Two days ago, someone I only knew from EQ and met via tradeskills passed away. He was only 30 years old.

He was always kind to everyone. We butted heads a few times because the raiding bodies to which we belong often compete and our methods and philosophy are at complete opposite ends of the spectrum. I liked and respected him, though I did not know him very well.

I could easily send flowers for his funeral but to me that is taking the easy way out.

He was working hard on his Aid Grimel quest. He needed one more sap to try his robe.

I want to farm his last sap.

My husband says it's a waste of time since he won't be around to use it.

To me, time is the most precious thing to give someone.

Am I really nuts?

[sikle]

Nothing wrong with wanting to finish something a friend started, even if it's a friend you met online, and it's a game, or something in a game as in this case, as a last good bye to him.

[Verdandi]

Oh wow, that is so sweet, Lling. I think it would be a perfect tribute to your friend. Eek I'm getting teary thinking about it. Tell your husband it's your way of saying goodbye. It's Psychology 101 that people need closure.

Whether your friend will know you've done it is anyone's guess, but you will have the satisfaction of knowing how pleased he would be. Flowers are thoughtful, but this is as from the heart as a memorial can be.

[Sanna]

/hugs to lling.

from experience with my BF, i'm gonna guess that the hubby might be just slightly... jealous? If you wanna get the sap for the guy, get it. If that's what's important to you about this, get it.


You, are not crazy. I promise.

-- Sanna

[Cantatus]

I think that's a very sweet way of saying good-bye and very appropriate considering the fashion you knew him in. I know if something happened like that to me, I'd be very touched to have someone go out of their way to do something like that for me.

[Traska]

....why buy flowers? The dead will never smell them.

...why buy a suit? The dead will never need it.

....why buy a casket? The dead will never see it.

Answer? People do these things because it's their way of saying goodbye.

You're not crazy. You're one of the rare ones... the *good* ones... left.

[Daniel310864]

To be honest *real* flowers couldn't match the respect you are showing in this *virtual* gesture. And everybody should have the right to say goodbye the way he feels most comfortable with.

Although I understand your husbands point of view. I wouldn't think of him as just jealous. He propably feels all around uneasy because he sees he's unable to share your grade of dedication RPGing - and maybe neglected too.

No offence meant, but online-relationships of ANY kind can give our partners a hard time sometimes because its completly out of their control.

....I would prefer the shawl though....

Rogue Apprentice

[eniamn]

farm the sap get someone to bot him and give them the sap for the combine. pray. i think its touching and very appropriate.

crazy for tradeskilling yes. this is prolly the most sane thing you have done in eq for a while though.

[Lling]

It isn't even close to jealousy. It is hard to explain how seriously he and I take trade skills - but him far more than me. His attitude is, considering the rarity of these items, that it is a "waste of valuable components better used by someone else".

And I see his point. He is still kicking himself for "wasting" firestand curing agents by making some firestrand silk items before we knew about the full quest, the rarity of the sap, the god-awful failures some people had on the robe, etc.

My husband is ever practical. And I am ever sentimental.

Well, it is not like I have access to the character. I can farm that sap "for him" and see that someone "worthy" gets it - if that makes sense. I have heard that the family will sell the account to help fund funeral expenses.

I am kind of in a quandry as to exactly how to approach this, but I *will* farm that **** sap, even if it takes me months.

[Phabos]

In my opinion, the best way to memorialize or thank someone who has been kind to you in the past is to pass that kindness along to someone else in need. Because others have been kind to me, I try to be kind to those I meet. Perhaps someone will be touched by my kindness and will pass that along to someone he or she meets. It is a chain in which we are but a link. What we must determine is if we are to be the last link in the chain, or if it will extend through us to others.

That, in my opinion, is one of the truest measures a person.

Lling, your friend can no longer use the sap. But, because of you, his kindness can live on when you donate it to someone who needs it. I commend you for that. You might want to consider telling the recipient why you are giving it away, and ask that he or she also be a link in the chain, passing along gifts of kindness to those in need.


Just one man's opinion on the way things ought to be.


Phabos Aphsion
Tarew Marr

[Nhin Impious]

You don't have to do just one thing for your friend.

Twice now I've given away a small amount of plat to a would-be but broke future tradeskiller; one of those folks is now a 200+ baker on Tarew.

I did that because when I was a broke, leather-clad cleric in my teens, a cleric in my guild helped me out. What he gave me was a very very small amount of plat, in today's terms, but it got me high enough in my smithing to make banded armor, which I wore until I made my lipstick-red fine plate in my 30's. He also inspired me to be the tradeskiller I am-- and a soloing cleric who's a halfway decent fighter.

I hope by passing on the items and skills and information that I have, person by person, day by day, that I stand worthy of the gift he gave me, and those who came before me, on this site and others.

Thanks, Rustiel. (And thanks, DenMom, and all the rest.)

Nhinx Aphsion
"If I have seen further than others, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants" --Sir Isaac Newton

[Arakni Spellweaver]

Originally posted by Phabos
In my opinion, the best way to memorialize or thank someone who has been kind to you in the past is to pass that kindness along to someone else in need. Because others have been kind to me, I try to be kind to those I meet. Perhaps someone will be touched by my kindness and will pass that along to someone he or she meets. It is a chain in which we are but a link. What we must determine is if we are to be the last link in the chain, or if it will extend through us to others.

That, in my opinion, is one of the truest measures a person.

Lling, your friend can no longer use the sap. But, because of you, his kindness can live on when you donate it to someone who needs it. I commend you for that. You might want to consider telling the recipient why you are giving it away, and ask that he or she also be a link in the chain, passing along gifts of kindness to those in need.

It reminds me a bit of a quote that one of the directors here in the Financial Aid office I work in has posted on her wall.

"When we cast our bread upon the waters we can presume that someone downstream, whose face we will never know, will benefit from our action, as we who are downstream from another will profit from the grantor's gift.
- Maya Angelou"

Even if he was an online friend, he was still a friend, and you still need to grieve in your own way.