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Source: http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2220
Personal Favs: (Heavy Satire Ahead)
(Satire)
(Satire, Satire)
(Satire, Satire, Satire)
(Satire, Satire, Satire, Satire)
(Satir... no, wait, this one is correct... Aww Crud...)
(Satire, But Could Be A Cynic's Outlook To EQ 1 and 2...)
Personal Favs: (Heavy Satire Ahead)
Quote: "We went back to the previous titles in the series and took out the elements that really made those games what they were, then we refined them and refined them. The outcome is (name of game), a truly innovative game that sticks to its roots.”
Indicates: Instead of being simply a rehash of the earlier titles, this will be a wholly new game that builds on the successes of the previous games, removes the failures, and adds new and innovative features.
True Meaning: The one title where they didn't rehash earlier titles didn't sell well, so this will simply be a rehash of earlier titles.
Indicates: Instead of being simply a rehash of the earlier titles, this will be a wholly new game that builds on the successes of the previous games, removes the failures, and adds new and innovative features.
True Meaning: The one title where they didn't rehash earlier titles didn't sell well, so this will simply be a rehash of earlier titles.
Quote: "We've listened to what gamers are saying, and we're going to deliver. Gamers know what they want."
Indicates: This company really cares about gamers, and they've seen the light. Instead of sticking to their own designs stubbornly, they'll see how good the general public's ideas really are.
True Meaning: We fired that really awesome lead designer. Instead of having true direction, this game is going to be drawn and quartered by the six thousand directions people want their games to go in. You're all idiots. Have fun with your shooter/rpg/completely open-ended/expertly written/realistic/over-the-top/co-op train simulator.
Indicates: This company really cares about gamers, and they've seen the light. Instead of sticking to their own designs stubbornly, they'll see how good the general public's ideas really are.
True Meaning: We fired that really awesome lead designer. Instead of having true direction, this game is going to be drawn and quartered by the six thousand directions people want their games to go in. You're all idiots. Have fun with your shooter/rpg/completely open-ended/expertly written/realistic/over-the-top/co-op train simulator.
Quote: “The much anticipated expansion pack for...”
Indicates: Hot (Beep), this is gonna include all those fixes we've been bitching about on their forums and should add another two years of life to this game that's been on life support since release just over a year ago.
True Meaning: You'll be paying $30 for another half-assed expansion pack full of things that could have easily been free downloadable content, and only a few of the fixes the game really needs. It'll spike the online server population for a month or two at the most and then be forgotten.
Indicates: Hot (Beep), this is gonna include all those fixes we've been bitching about on their forums and should add another two years of life to this game that's been on life support since release just over a year ago.
True Meaning: You'll be paying $30 for another half-assed expansion pack full of things that could have easily been free downloadable content, and only a few of the fixes the game really needs. It'll spike the online server population for a month or two at the most and then be forgotten.
Quote: “Battle your way through multiple unique and expansive realms!”
Indicates:The game has a varied setting that will keep you interested until the end!
True Meaning: Kill thousands of spiders in the forest! Then go over here and kill some scorpions in the desert! NOW YOU'RE IN THE JUNGLE! THESE SPIDERS HAVE SPOTS! They're TOTALLY DIFFERENT AND INNOVATIVE! Don't you remember fighting scorpions?! That's completely different from a spider!
Indicates:The game has a varied setting that will keep you interested until the end!
True Meaning: Kill thousands of spiders in the forest! Then go over here and kill some scorpions in the desert! NOW YOU'RE IN THE JUNGLE! THESE SPIDERS HAVE SPOTS! They're TOTALLY DIFFERENT AND INNOVATIVE! Don't you remember fighting scorpions?! That's completely different from a spider!
Quote: “A totally self-sufficient player based economy with thousands of innovative player crafted items!”
Indicates: Exciting crafting, and a chance to become e-Donald trump.
True Meaning: Among them many thousands of exciting player made items, approx. 14,000 items are as useful as a thumbtack in a bullfight. 5,000 are too weak to give them away, and there are 3 items in the entire game that people really want, that have impossible components retrieved from enemies that no longer spawn.
Indicates: Exciting crafting, and a chance to become e-Donald trump.
True Meaning: Among them many thousands of exciting player made items, approx. 14,000 items are as useful as a thumbtack in a bullfight. 5,000 are too weak to give them away, and there are 3 items in the entire game that people really want, that have impossible components retrieved from enemies that no longer spawn.
Quote: “While we plan to release [new system] soon, be assured that we will remain committed to [present system]!”
Indicates: Your investment in [present system] won't be a waste since there will be games released well into the future.
True Meaning: We don't want to hurt present console sales with the threat of new technology. Be rest assured that as soon as [future console] is released you'll have many Spongebob Squarepants and Shrek videogames to look forward too.
Indicates: Your investment in [present system] won't be a waste since there will be games released well into the future.
True Meaning: We don't want to hurt present console sales with the threat of new technology. Be rest assured that as soon as [future console] is released you'll have many Spongebob Squarepants and Shrek videogames to look forward too.
